Cyrus the Great versus Trump the Small
Joining Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Trump’s clueless press secretary, 55 percent of white evangelicals believe that God has sent President Donald Trump to save the nation.
Jerry Falwell Jr., president of evangelical Liberty University, believes that King David is the model for Trump’s reign.
Falwell claims that even with all of his faults, David was still chosen by God to found the lineage from which Jesus would come.
David was a great writer, perhaps giving us some of the best poetry in the Hebrew language.
He was also a renowned musician, and he was called to play his lyre when Saul fell under the spell of an evil spirit.
Trump is neither poet nor musician, and we have great need of a harpist to rid him of his malevolent spirits.
David was also a great warrior, although scholars dispute whether he actually ruled over as large an area as the Bible attests.
He is most famous for slaying the giant Goliath with his sling.
Trump might say that he could hit any giant in the middle of the forehead with his expert golf swing, but that would be one of his many baseless boasts.
Recently, however, he did hit the Omelet Bar at his Mar-a-Lago resort.
David would never have made an excuse not to go into battle, especially if it was just a few bone spurs.
We now know that Trump’s four deferments might have been a hoax.
The daughters of a Brooklyn doctor reported that their father received rent reduction for a Trump-owned office in return for the medical exemptions.
David’s greatest sin was his seduction of Bathsheba and the conspiracy to kill her husband Uriah the Hittite.
As far as we know, there have been no allegations of murder in Trump’s many sexual escapades, but he has paid off at least two women for their silence. Since then, I’m sure that he has regretted not hiring a hit-man for Stormy Daniels.
In a 1997 interview with Howard Stern, draft-dodging Trump claimed that his “personal Vietnam” was the “real danger” of STDs in the New York dating scene.
He warned that vaginas were “potential landmines,” so that’s why he now apparently prefers the safer practice of grabbing private parts instead. Melania just finished a three-state “Being Your Best” tour, but her husband continues to be his worst.
Many preachers are proclaiming that the best biblical model for the Trump presidency is Cyrus the Great, the Persian king of the 6th Century B.C.
Pastor Lance Wallnau claims that in 2016, God spoke to him and told him to look at Isaiah 45.
This is the chapter where God had anointed Cyrus as a messiah, because he had let the Israelites return to Palestine and rebuild their temple.
Wallnau explained that “Trump’s obvious flaws only confirmed the prophecy: Cyrus, like Trump, was powerful, rich, and pagan, not at all godly.” At least Wallnau has seen through Trump’s claim to be a Christian, not even a “baby Christian,” as Focus on the Family founder James Dobson has suggested.
In the eyes of Cyrus’ God Ahura Mazda (Wise Lord), he was very godly indeed. In his conquests of neighboring lands Cyrus was known as merciful and kind.
Instead of slaughtering people and executing their rulers in gruesome ways, he left them in place and hired many of them as his advisers.
I’m sure Cyrus would have disagreed with Trump about waterboarding, and the even more brutal ways of torturing terrorists that he has promised.
Biblical numerologists are going crazy about the coincidence of the 45th chapter of Isaiah and the 45th president.
Referring to the famous jibe against Freud that “sometimes a cigar is just a cigar,” I say that sometimes a coincidence is just that and nothing more.
Nick Gier taught religion and philosophy at the University of Idaho for 31 years. Email him at firstname.lastname@example.org.